Sorry saying this so late, but Happy Thanksgiving.
I was trying to do SOMEthing for Turkey Day, but maaaan I had to start with the holiday decorating or be in BIG trouble.
I almost did this one:
You know what a tofurky is, right?
Maybe 10 years ago we were heading to Arizona for Thanksgiving and my kids had already turned vegetarian because kids these days.
There was this new product called a "Tofurky", which is a giant hunk of tofu that you cook like a turkey, and it comes with it's own tofurky gravy.
Because the kids were afraid they wouldn't have such a thing in Arizona, we bought one in Chicago, froze the whole box, put it in a cooler and then tried to get it by TSA.
We had to open the whole thing while all the passengers behind us in line stewed.
What is this thing said the TSA lady.
It's a Tofurky, said me.
A Tofurky. It's tofu in the shape of a turkey.
Open that thing up said TSA lady as other TSA people looked over their shoulders.
I opened it.
What's that? asked the TSA lady.
She pointed at a clear, sealed plastic bag with frozen tofu gravy inside.
It's the gravy I said.
HA! said TSA.
Because she caught us, right?
If that gravy melts, it'll BECOME LIQUID said TSA Lady.
That's why we have it in the cooler, I explained.
YOU CAN'T BRING FROZEN TOFU GRAVY THAT MIGHT MELT AND TURN INTO A LIQUID ON A PLANE! exclaimed TSA.
There was nothing to do for it, so I asked her if she'd kindly throw it away for us.
Then me and my entire family hauled ass and were thankful that none of the angry passengers behind us in line were sitting near us on the plane.
And today, I'd like to say, even though it's late, that I'm thankful for Jake Arrieta.
I'm thankful for ALL the Cubs, but since it looks like Jake is going to play somewhere else soon, I thought I'd point him out.
Only a couple times in my sports fan life have I had the pleasure of being able to say to fans of other teams hey man, our guy is the BEST.
Look at the numbers, compare him to any contemporary, and I'm not being sentimental.
And it's a really short list.
Michael Jordan, Walter Payton, and Ryne Sandberg.
(I can't really include Greg Maddux because he was a Brave when he was the best, and I can't go back to like... Ernie Banks or Dick Butkus because I wasn't quite a sports fan then like I am today).
And for about a year, spanning time between two seasons, Jake Arrieta was the best.
Plain and simple.
Don't give me no Kershaw or Bumgarner or Greinke or any American League guys.
To be clear... years from now, because his time in that kind of company was relatively short, probably Jake won't still be on that list.
He'll be on the one with Andre Dawson, Mike Singletary, Wood and Prior... and Brian Urlacher and...
That's a longer list that I could go on for days with.
But Jake... he was on that super elite list for that year.
And for that, I will forever be thankful.
Wow perfect timing.
I hear a voice in the other room reminding me that I PROMISED to help with the decorations, and apparently yesterday wasn't enough so...