Where I live, Long Avenue borders the east side of Portage Park.
I see it every day.
And speaking of which, you know I've been seeing things lately.
Like I said - too long away from actual meaningful games of baseball.
This spring stuff is pretty cool and all, but I'M GOING OUT OF MY MIND WAITING FOR REAL BASEBALL TO START.
So I look up at the street sign for Long Avenue, and instead see LONG BALL RIZZO.
Not really - it's just been a LONG BALL RIZZO winter is all.
Rizzo hit a LONG BALL RIZZO yesterday against the Angels.
He'll be doing that all year LONG BALL RIZZO.
Jason Heyward hit one too, about 450 feet LONG BALL RIZZO.
Kind of a bummer but whatever was Kyle Hendricks getting smacked around a little while not a bummer at all was Justin Grimm and Neil Ramirez each pitching a shutdown inning.
And finally, for no reason except to allow me to write LONG BALL RIZZO again, here's a LONG BALL RIZZO story about me shopping in Los Angeles:
We were staying at a hotel near a Ralph's grocery store.
A HUGE one.
So it takes me awhile, but I finally find water and trail mix - essential in your room or you'll eat the $5 tiny bags of potato chips.
I hear the electronic beeps of the cash registers over the tops of the shelves, so I walk that way.
And... there’s the express aisle – I come up to it from the side because it’s an open space and right by the giant front doors that lead to the parking lot.
There’s a woman with red hair and a basket and a number of things on the conveyor belt, and I put down my couple things behind her little plastic grocery item divider thingy.
Suddenly a woman with a huge clunky shoes comes clattering in the front door, directly up to me.
“Did you see a cart?” she asks.
I have no idea what she’s talking about.
A guy has just walked up behind me in line and points behind him – there’s a cart.
The woman with clunky shoes grabs the cart and wheels it up to me: “I was here in line.”
This all happened really fast and it’s weird, right?
Then the woman with red hair suddenly turns and says to the woman with clunky shoes, “Go to the back of the line.”
And then as if she’s giving a speech to the rest of the store, the woman with red hair loudly says: “SHE WENT TO HER CAR.”
Clunky Shoes: “I WAS HERE.”
Red Head: “OH WE’RE ALL SUPPOSED TO WAIT FOR YOU, RIGHT?”
Clunky Shoes: “YOU ARE A F#CKING PSYCHO.”
Red Head: “SHUT UP BEFORE I COME OVER THERE AND (something muffled)."
The cashier just appears to be hearing music in her head?
I can hear Clunky Shoes stomping away, but I’m kind of frozen in place looking straight ahead, afraid to look and make accidental eye contact.
Red Head: “THAT’S RIGHT! GO TO ANOTHER LINE!”
And then to the store, “SHE WENT TO HER CAR SHE DOESN’T DESERVE TO JUST GET BACK IN LINE!!!”
Cashier: “Cash or credit?”
Red Head: "Credit dear, thank you."
Cashier: I hope you have a soothing day.”
Red Head smiles and pushes her cart out.
Then the cashier, like nothing just happened, says to me: "Honey you need a bag?”
LONG BALL RIZZO story.