Cubs, please give to the Score Some Runs for Ryan Foundation, and help Dempster win. (gif)

(In your head as you read, imagine your most syrupy, serious voice and furrow your brow...)

Sometimes, life isn't fair.
Sometimes, the breaks don't come.
And sometimes, you have the power to do something about it.
So, come on you Cubs, won't you help poor Ryan?
Starlin and Darwin and Alfonso: he needs your support.
Bryan, Tony, Ian and Jeffy...please give. 
It's up to you, Wellington and Joe, Reed and Geo.
A hit.
A run.
Whatever you can find in your heart to give.
Operators are standing by now, just call 1-800-RUNS4RYAN.
You'll be so glad you did.

Now, lets watch the commercial.

 

Seriously.
How does a 1.02 ERA translate to no wins in 5 starts?
Ryan Dempster, the most professional and funny guy on the team, is eating doo doo.
Bats and bullpen, we're looking at you.

Comments

[Rich Beckman]

I love it!! (your concept and commercial, not Ryan's won-lost).

I only hope that Dempster does not let this get to him and he keeps on pitching like that. The runs gotta come sooner or later, right?

Celebrities?

I have no idea who the first woman is, though I admit she looks familiar.

Then Bono?

I have no clue, maybe I've seen him before.

Then Dale Sveum.

Jerry Lewis.

The blonde sparks zero recognition.

George Clooney.

Then a bunch of singers including Ray Charles, Kenny Rogers, and Bob Dylan.

[Tim@Cubby Blue]

Thats Marlo Thomas at the front, Cuba Gooding, is the next you dont know, Madonna is the blonde, and all the musical allstars who did we are the world.
In retrospect, I shoulda done chicago celebs like Bill Murray.

But a man only has so much time in a day...

[Bud]

I don't know if Mr. Dempster wants any more of the kind of charity events the Cubs are staging. To give him some relief the Cubs bullpen has been doing frequent "Walk-a-thons".

Our relievers are the only ones producing runs when Ryan is on the mound.

Maybe Ryan should take a quick trip to Mexico. He could pick up a new mitt for Woody to replace the one he tossed into the stands after he gagged up 2 hits, 2 walks and 2 runs in the putrid 8th inning.

Why Mexico you ask? Well it's a great place to get the runs.

[Casey Chambers]

"All we are say---ya---ing. Is give Demp a chance" (the hidden verse when record played backwards.)

[Tim@Cubby Blue]

Yeah, that 8th was awful.
I had to pick up my daughter so I heard it on the radio.
Turned it off.
Hilarious comment, Bud.

[Tim@Cubby Blue]

HAHAHAH
God.
It would be awesome to actually lay a track on old footage of WE ARE THE WORLD kinda stuff.