You're sitting there comfortably over by a mast next to a couple deck hands and suddenly the Captain shouts out your name and says, "WALK THE PLANK!"
And they tie a hankie over your eyes and poke you with swords and you can see out of the little crack under your blindfold and there's a bunch of great whites swimming down there but there ain't nothin' you can do but... walk.
Poor Jimmy Clausen.
Of all the wild scenarios that played in his mind when he got the backup QB job for the Chicago Bears.
I mean seriously - the Bears were supposed to be GOOD!
At the start of this season he could have been dreaming like any kid would - the Bears are in a do or die situation late in the Super Bowl and Jay Cutler just took a shot and gets carted off and now you go in and engineer the winning drive! THE CITY LOVES YOU! You're being interviewed by all the adoring ESPN guys. Erin Anderson asks how it feels to have over a million followers on Twitter as she slips you her phone number then you're eating soup with a fork next to Kyle Long in a Campbell's commercial.
Well, you finally made it, but...
Now you'll be part of the starring cast in the most revolting episode in Chicago Bears history.
If you do well, Bears fans will be pissed off that you may have helped that moron coach Trestman keep his job (it won't, but whatever).
If you do badly, they'll boo you from Soldier Field to Christmas.
You cannot possibly win, and that's why I feel so bad for you.
I mean, all you were doing was just... standing there.
Welcome to the suck, Jimmy.