Math warning: I got out my abacus.
So...I'm reading a book and listening to the game on the radio out back.
Sun's out, Leinie's Summer Shandy in hand, shorts on, shirt off, got the big umbrella up, I'm NOT in the office, and Mike Olt has already hit a homer.
Even though the Cubs are down a run, this day could not be any more perfect.
In my book, I'm in Minneapolis and the Bureau of Criminal Apprehension's Lucas Davenport has gorgeous blonde psycho politician Taryn Grant in his sights as he puts together the pieces of how the child porn got on other politician Porter Smalls computer, and he's with his buddy (and muskie fisherman) Virgil Flowers and they're tailing the...wait WHAT?
Jimmy Rollins just got a hit, and...Mike Schmidt is there? Huh? Because Rollins' hit put him past Scmhidt as the all-time hit leader on the Philadelphia Phillies?
His hit was his 2,235th.
I guess Mike Schmidt only had 2,234.
Now everybody wants to take a break and talk about what a wonderful player Jimmy Rollins is, maybe a hall of famer even and yada yada 5 minutes later Domonick Brown launches a 3 run homer off inconsistent Cub starter Edloss Jackson and the game's blown open with the Cubs now down 4.
I'm so freaking not happy for stupid Jimmy Rollins and his stupid milestone hit I think to myself hey Jimmy, I bet Starlin's numbers his first 4 years are better than yours were.
Well, they're not.
But these two guys have numbers that are so similar it's scary, except Rollins' teams (in his first 4 years) won 353 games while Castro's Cubs won, um, 274.
Except Rollins was surrounded by guys named Utley and Howard and Ibanez while Castro was surrounded by Pena and Barney and Fukudome.
Here's a little comparison chart, I used my abacus* to figure it all out:
2010 was Castro's actual first year and he started all year long, while Rollins had 14 games in 2000, so I didn't put that on the chart.
But note the number of hits here: Castro 692, Rollins 691.
What does it mean?
Well, first off Lucas Davenport will totally bust gorgeous but crooked psycho politician Taryn Grant, who before it's all over will for SURE try to lure Davenport to bed even though he's married to beautiful maxillofacial surgeon Weather Karkinnen.
And Starlin Castro is going to the Hall of Fame.
Oh, and the Cubs lost 4-7.
*Quotes from the abacus have not been approved by the management, nor will they ever be.