Hey Everybody - IT'S THE PARTY OF THE CENTURY!
Didn't you just know that was gonna happen?
That Jeff Samardzija would get hosed, the Yankees would tie it up in the 9th and then stick the barbed wire in your bloody palms and force you to watch the Cubs lose in 13?
I can't even read the sports page or anything online about Jeff Samardzija's reaction to the latest loss.
Because whatever he says will be about the team and what a shame they didn't win.
It's the way he is.
It makes my physically ill that he's on the worst Cubs team ever.
(More on that later, because I can't stop talking about it and why that is.)
Just imagine Jeff Samardzija on a good team.
A contender in a big city.
He would own the place.
You've seen him since day one.
Charming, humble, talented, tries harder than anybody, the Good Example, all about the team, all about hard work...
He's literally everything you'd love about a guy who was the stud pup of your city's championship team.
He worked his ass off to get where he is now, at 29 years old one of the best starting pitchers in any league.
This should be his year.
He should be a national revelation.
He should be throwing a one hitter against the Cardinals on Sunday Night Baseball as the 2nd place Cubs win 5 zip and take over first.
He should be turning down Golf Mill Ford New and Used while the people at General Mills are talking about a Samardzija Wheaties box.
The whole country should be trying to spell Smargia...Samarjeea...Smarjya...
If he's a 1st place Yankee, he's invited over to Jay Z's.
If he's a 1st place Dodger, he's invited over to Gene Simmons'.
Okay maybe not interested in meeting Gene, but you know what I'm saying.
All he gets to talk about is another shitty loss during a crap season on a terrible team he had no idea could even exist when he signed his contract with that stupid general manager cowboy, Jim Hendry.
I wish the Cubs were good, and he was the toast of the town instead of the latest Chicago definition of tragedy.
Okay done with that talk.
But here's the rest of the story.
The rest of this summer will be the most challenging time of your Cub Fan life.
When Nate Schierholtz comes up with runners in scoring position and the game on the line, he's not going to get a hit.
As soon as next year, you'll merge Jeff and John Baker into a player to be named later which couldn't come soon enough.
In 5 years when people ask you who Emilio Bonifacio is, you'll say, "Wasn't he that doctor on Chicago Hope or Chicago Code or... something with Chicago in it?"
What we have to do now is try and keep it together for one more year.
And if there aren't real signs of actual Cub major league baseball next year?