I had to work.
Not unusual, but 2 of my favorite teams were playing games that day.
So I put the Cubs on Emily's radio.
But the Blackhawks are ALSO playing only...they're both on WGN, right?
If the Cubs are on, where are the Hawks?
I found out where on a website.
An FM station.
Which was a drag, since Emily's radio only gets AM.
Then I remembered a gift my wife gave me - an emergency radio you crank up to charge instead of using batteries and gets weird emergency frequencies for sailors in hurricanes or something.
But it also gets FM.
It was in it's original box - a kind of sheath with a "drawer" middle.
Like a box for wooden matches, only bigger.
But I can't slide the drawer out because it's stuck and I'm sort of panicking because the hockey game's been on for a bit and then I see there's a round sticker of clear plastic glued down over the seam.
I quickly jam my thumbnail underneath and swipe it across and then WHIP the box across the hall and SCREAM because I've just sliced the skin right under the nail with cardboard.
This is hilarious because it's true.
I held my thumb with my other hand and strangled it.
Like it was my thumb that was an idiot and not me.
Later, with drafting tape wrapped around my thumb, I looked at the standings and saw that not only are the Milwaukee Brewers in first place, but they have the best record in baseball.
HOW IS THAT FAIR?
How can a team that nobody was talking about during the off season and also with the worst cheating creepy LIAR in the history of the sport be off to such an impossibly good start?
That just hurts.
Like my stupid thumb.
The Cubs are up there in Milwaukee and Matt Garza's going to be on the mound.
Garza is responsible for one third of the Brewer losses this season - not doing so great right now.
But if there's anything we know about the Cubs, it's that they usually help a struggling pitcher find his way.
You know what else is going to happen later this season?
The Brewers are gonna come to Chicago.
And their fans are going to fill the half of Wrigley that's vacant.
Sorry, I didn't need to paint that one, did I?
Anyway, the Cubs are on the same time as the Hawks tonight so if you're not suffering from lingering papercut sensitivity in your thumb, it'll be a good night for switching channels back and forth.