He's on Gilligan's Island with the other castaways at a Super Bowl party sitting next to Thurston Howell III eating bean dip.
Is this kinda mean?
But once again, I'm watching a Super Bowl that doesn't feature the Chicago Bears except in the previews.
The previews that show the San Francisco Forty Niners' Colin Kaepernick back in his first start ever, rackin' up 32 points against what was supposed to be an elite Bears defense.
Remember that game?
Plus, I feel like crap with some stupid flu-cold so I'm not in a good mood anyway and I'm not going to a party because I have to lay on the couch and drink ginger ale.
I'm going back to the couch now.
You. You should hurry up and order a "happy pitchers and catchers report day" card, because it's only a week away.
Now, go make Pork Tinga and watch the bowl!