Cubby-Blue

Sometimes, news of the Cubs just has to take a back seat.

I read about the Cubs beating the Rockies 5-3 yesterday.
I read about Jeff Samardzija and his not having his good stuff early and sort of working with what he had and then getting it together and going 7 innings and getting stronger as the game went on.
And about Alfonso Soriano and Brett Jackson hitting homers.
And it was a come from behind win and all that.
You know, kinda cool and everything.
Then I read that the Boston Red Sox are gonna trade Adrian Freaking Gonzales, Josh Beckett, Carl Crawford and Nick Punto to the Los Angeles Dodgers for James Loney, Rubby De La Rosa, Allen Webster, Jerry Sands, and Ivan DeJesus Jr.
Man.
That is a big deal.
You could buy a country with the money involved in this deal.
Maybe the Dodgers bought the NL West.
I'm out here in Los Angeles on production, and you can imagine the excitement.

Okay whatever.
I'm gonna go find the Cubs somewhere, probably Barney's Beanery again, where I've had nothing but bad luck watching.
Go Cubs.

 

Melky Cabrera and Bartolo Colon. They're sorry.

 

Yes they are.
Sorry.
Bartolo Colon got caught doing what Melky Cabrera got caught doing.
Which is cheating.
Not that you'd ever think this steroid thing would actually completely stop, but man - back to back big names turning out to be nothing but big fat cheating liar guys.
Pretty depressing.

Speaking of which, the Cubs.

Oh...never mind.

Super busy, and you already know what's going on with our favorite team.

And I promise not to dwell on this elevated levels of testosterone crap.

Melky Cabrera assembles a Dream Team of advisors. (cartoon)

The story of Melky Cabrera's attempt to somehow get around his 50 game suspension for getting caught using steroids is so goofy I laughed out loud.
I've already called him a dumbass, but since then he's been involved in this:
A) someone created a fake website where B) one could buy a fictional cream that C) had steroids as an ingredient so D) Melky could pretend to have bought said cream and E) could have claimed he had no idea that steroids were present so that F) he'd get off his suspension because G) Ryan Braun fooled the MLB too.
Or something like that.
I guess now Melky has assembled a dream team of advisors to help him during this difficult time.
When he heard that Food & Drug Administration criminal investigator Jeff Novitzky was on the case, Tonya Harding was his first phone call.
Apparently she still "knows a guy or two" who can take care of Novitzky.
Batman knows about masks and costumes, which may come in handy.
Donald Trump got the call because Melky may need a lesson in how to borrow stuff.
Homer Simpson?
Well, he doesn't really exist, but it's still possible he was responsible for the fake web site.
A random 8 year old to pass Melky some wisdom like, "The dog ate it" and "Smeller's the feller!"
And to round it all out is Ron Popeil, the famous inventor of things like the Pocket Fisherman.
He's very close to finishing his latest invention, "Synthetic Virgin Urine". 
You know, in case Melky wants to cheat some more in the future.

Okay, I'm full of it so read this. It's unbelievable.

I had some personal stuff to do and have no idea what the Cubs have done lately, but I heard they might lock up Starlin Castro with a reasonable long termer which would be AWESOME.

And right now the Cubs are up 2-1 against the Brewers in Milwuakee.
I'll update later. 

But first this: Roger Clemens is going to pitch for some Independent Atlantic Team called the Sugarland Skeeters.

Here's ESPN'S Melky report, with a little more depth.
I predict someone makes a movie about this little episode.
Crime, cheating, drugs, exotic countries, coverup...it's got everything. 

 

 

 

Baseball, apple pie, Melky Cabrera and steroids.

 

Melky Cabrera got caught doing PEDS (testosterone), and will serve a 50 game suspension.
Shocking.
This illusrtration is from a post I did in '07 about another San Fransisco Giant.
I don't really care to talk about it any more except to say that Melky is a dumbass.

He's a free agent this off season.
So he was artificially inflating his numbers why?
To get an artificially inflated contract.
When you're talking about millions of dollars, isn't that a felony?
Or just the American way?

I know this subject is unfashionable and I truly try to not care, but it makes me vomit.

I'm taking a couple days.

See you early next week.

 

The entire history of the Cubs in less than a minute. (gif)

The Line.
"Let's forget this game and move on."
I think I've heard it about a million times this year.
Last night the Cubs lost to the worst professional baseball team in years, the 2012 Houston Astros, by 9 runs.
Astro pitcher Lucas Harrel got his 10th win on a team with only 39.
So, that guy must be pretty good for real, and not just because he was pitching against the Cubs.

Anyway, in the post game I think I heard Todd Hollandsworth say The Line again, and it made me think historically for some reason.

Here's hoping that some time in the next couple years, Mr. Sveum will be saying something more like 1908 Cub manager and first baseman Frank Chance said.

Of course I invented all the older quotes for entertainment's sake, but I think you get the drift.