The story of Melky Cabrera's attempt to somehow get around his 50 game suspension for getting caught using steroids is so goofy I laughed out loud.
I've already called him a dumbass, but since then he's been involved in this:
A) someone created a fake website where B) one could buy a fictional cream that C) had steroids as an ingredient so D) Melky could pretend to have bought said cream and E) could have claimed he had no idea that steroids were present so that F) he'd get off his suspension because G) Ryan Braun fooled the MLB too.
Or something like that.
I guess now Melky has assembled a dream team of advisors to help him during this difficult time.
When he heard that Food & Drug Administration criminal investigator Jeff Novitzky was on the case, Tonya Harding was his first phone call.
Apparently she still "knows a guy or two" who can take care of Novitzky.
Batman knows about masks and costumes, which may come in handy.
Donald Trump got the call because Melky may need a lesson in how to borrow stuff.
Well, he doesn't really exist, but it's still possible he was responsible for the fake web site.
A random 8 year old to pass Melky some wisdom like, "The dog ate it" and "Smeller's the feller!"
And to round it all out is Ron Popeil, the famous inventor of things like the Pocket Fisherman.
He's very close to finishing his latest invention, "Synthetic Virgin Urine".
You know, in case Melky wants to cheat some more in the future.
Okay, I'm full of it so read this. It's unbelievable.
I had some personal stuff to do and have no idea what the Cubs have done lately, but I heard they might lock up Starlin Castro with a reasonable long termer which would be AWESOME.
And right now the Cubs are up 2-1 against the Brewers in Milwuakee.
I'll update later.
But first this: Roger Clemens is going to pitch for some Independent Atlantic Team called the Sugarland Skeeters.
Here's ESPN'S Melky report, with a little more depth.
I predict someone makes a movie about this little episode.
Crime, cheating, drugs, exotic countries, coverup...it's got everything.