If they were to add Theo Epstein to the cast of The Simpsons, I figure he'd be Mr. Burns' long lost son.
That way, they could scheme together like so:
MR. BURNS: Theo, do you realize that if you trade Ryan Dempster and Matt Garza, that the Cubs would likely lose a record number of games?
MR. BURNS: And if the Cubs were to lose a record number of games, they'd surely have the worst record in baseball?
MR. BURNS: And if the Cubs were to have the worst record in baseball, they'll get to choose first in next year's draft?
It's an evil plan, Mr. Epstein, but given our circumstances it's also...excellent!
If anyone from The Simpsons is angry about this post, please let me know and I'll take it down.
By the way, I LOVE the show.