So I can take the losing, I understand the Theo Epstein plan for the future, I get that 2012 will be bad.
But the fact that Ryan Dempster can't get a win is just revolting.
He's so good, and not just on the mound.
From Cubs.com: "I felt if I would have fielded a ground ball and turned a double play, we'd still be playing now," Dempster said. "I field my position and turn two, and they don't score, it's a different ballgame."
He just steps up and takes the heat, no matter how ridiculous the situation is.
His team mates should kiss the ground Dempster walks on.
Stupid pickoff on Mather, the Soriano interfering with the infielder - what the hell, man?
There's nobody on the team you can call "clutch".
So the Cubs lose zero to one to the Pirates, and have effectively switched perception with them.
I used to hear "Pirates" and think "doormat".
Now, it's the other way around.
Okay, I told you I'd tell the vasectomy story if they lost 10 straight.
This story is unbelievable and embarrassing, but here goes.
I'm always busy, and I don't have time for stuff that maybe I should.
I make the appointment and the doctor asks if I want to come in and chat about the procedure.
I go, "It's outpatient, right? I'm in and out?"
He goes, "yeah."
And that's all I learned before I went in.
So when I show up at the reception desk and the nurse asks, "Did you shave?" I kinda knew I should have thought this through a little more.
She was asking if I'd shaved my nad area, of course, which I hadn't.
So she enthusiastically says, "Oh GOOD! I'll shave you then."
She looks about 19 and probably likes pastry or gravy a little too much.
I swear to you this story is all true.
I go put on a green backless garment with nothing on underneath.
I lay on a stainless steel table with bright lights above, she comes in with a pink disposable razor and does her job.
The doc comes in shortly after and says, "Has the patient been shaved?"
Nurse is proud of herself and says, "Oh yes!"
Doc says, "Not good enough."
Nurse says, "Oh no. I just threw out the last disposable razor."
Doc says, "That's okay."
And out of his pocket he pulls one of those kinds of razors that fold with the giant blade.
The kind from a slasher movie.
So I just try to stare at the ceiling with my nad area exposed while he finishes the job as the nurse looks on.
Then, a knock.
Doc: "Mr. Souers, I teach a class at (some school), would you mind if some of my students observed?"
On the humiliation scale, I've already kind of bottomed out so I say okay, and in walk maybe 3 college students.
I think I remember a pain killing shot, but when he yanks something in the little cut he's made, it's an unusual kind of pain, and it's no fun imagining tubes or whatever he's grabbing getting cut or tied or whatever the hell he did in there.
Then, I get sewn up, put my clothes on and walk outside.
Where I've parked my bike.
Shoulda had that chat with the doc.
Okay so my wife picks me and my bike up, I go home, I sleep, I feel okay, I go in the back yard and (long story I won't get into) attempt to move a picnic table.
This produces an unbelievable pain.
I go back in the house, I lay on the couch, it's maybe 9 am on a Saturday and I yell, "HONEY, CAN YOU BRING ME A BEER?"
I stay on the couch for the entire day.
Now it's like a month later, and I'm supposed to go see the doc again to make sure the procedure worked.
I figure he's going to do some test or something.
But it's a different building, a different nurse, a tiny reception area, and there are two other people sitting on chairs right... there.
The nurse hands me a cup and a tissue and says I'm to go in a little room and give her a "sample".
I say, "What?"
She says, "A sperm sample."
I swear to God.
Nobody said anything about that part.
Anyway, if you're getting any kind of procedure - ESPECIALLY a vasectomy - go have a little chat with your doc first.