Cubby-Blue

Darwin Barney and his giant bat (cartoon gif)

Come ON.
If we're lucky, we'll get about 5 minutes of Cubs Fabulousness this season, and that was about 6 seconds of it.
Even the most jaded and sarcastic of us had to find some serious joy in Darwin Barney's fantastic walk-off homer yesterday.
Roll around in it.
Feel it with your fingers.
Get it in your hair.
That's joy.

I wasn't there and I saw none of the game, but I heard it was blowing straight in.
And Darwin Barney hits one out?
With two out in a tie game in the bottom of the 9th and a sweep on the line?
NO FREAKING WAY MAN!
Cubs 8 Padres 6.
Okay it was against the most-injured team in baseball, and they're probably not that talented with nobody injured, but still.
Ryan Dempster got a hit and an RBI, but goes only 13 outs and gives up all 6 of the Padres' runs.
And remains winless.
Ouch.
Steve Clevenger returns from the DL and please oh PLEASE Baseball Gods let him go injury-free the rest of the season.
He acted as if he hadn't been missing for weeks, going 2 for 4 with a double, 2 RBIs and scoring once.
Soriano didn't get a hit but he walked twice. 
Joe Mather does nothing and they have him in the 3-hole, but man what can you do with this team?
Well, I'll tell you what you can do:
Crack a frosty cold one and say cheers Cubs.
They deserve it.
And you over there...Darwin Barney: 2 for 3 with 3 RBIs and 3 runs scored?
That's a mighty big bat, buddy.
Thanks for the happy blip.

 

Alfonso Soriano props

Well, you know what happens every. single. time. I do something nice about Alfonso Soriano: he goes in the tank.
I think the last time I did a positive Soriano post, it was called "Thoriano" - not for the lispy sound that makes if you say it out loud, but because he was swingin' a big hammer.

But this post isn't about his bat, although it's been pret-ty damned hot lately.
No, this is about his skills as an outfielder.
His D.
We've all seen him be so bad you couldn't believe he literelly didn't walk off the field in shame.
Just impossibly, jaw-droppingly, high-schoolingly awful.
But something changed.
Did you see that diving catch he made yesterday?
I've seen him do that thing where the ball's right there and he sort of jumps to make it look harder than it was, falls down.
But yesterday was a true, fully stretched out catch of sharply hit ball in front of him.
Not easy.
It was unusual enough to elicit a, "HOLY SHIT! DID YOU SEE THAT?"
So, props to you, Alfonso.
Obviously, you've been working hard, and whoever the coaches are that took on the Alfonso Glove project have done quite a job.
Which is good not just for the team, but because in this whole world, there is nothing worse than a left fielder making $18 MILLION dollars who can't catch a fly ball.

So, super cool second win in a row over a team the Cubs should actually beat, the San Diego Padre (I call them that because pretty much their whole team is injured except for that one guy).
Jeff Samardzija continues to be, for me, the most exciting thing about this year.
Cubs 5 Padre 3. 

Okay so there, Alfonso, a positive post about you.
Hopefully my Jinxy Hexman superpowers aren't in play.

Because today is very important, for Alfonso and the rest of the team, to do well.
Your bats, your gloves, your baserunning...all that stuff needs to be in top form, because if Ryan Dempster doesn't get his first win today I'm calling the police.

Lastly, sad news out of Los Angeles: Ted Lilly put on the 15-day DL with shoulder inflammation.
Our old buddy was an exceptional Ted-like 5-0 with a 1.79 ERA.
GET WELL TED! 

 

 

The Hatfields and the McCoys and the Cubs

I don't know, guys.
Twelve losses in a row for our Chicago Cubs.
At least I'm getting used to it, or immune or something.
It's just...remember 12 games ago?
We were all kinda getting excited.
Not really sure what happened, but it does kind of dovetail with Bryan LaHair's slumpage and the departure of all the Cubs' professional catchers about 8 losses ago.

I do know for sure that I'm gonna watch that Hatfields and McCoys miniseries tonight.
I haven't been able to devote myself to a single show since "Lost".
I figure 3 nights is a commitment I can handle.
You know, in addition to this other commitment with a baseball team and all.

Anyway, I gotta work today so...short and sweet.
If you happen to be a History Channel employee, please don't get mad at my use of your stuff.
Really, it kinda works as a promo for you!
Not so much for the Cubs.

Today it's the Cubs and Padres at Wrigley Field at 1:20.
It'll be interesting to see how many people show.
The Padres have about half their team on the DL sooo...maybe this one will be more evenly matched.

And since it's a History Channel post today, here's a little streaky history from Chris Jaffe over at Hardball Times.
All team's most recent 12-game losing streaks.
A couple haven't even had one. 

When the Cubs lose by hitting a batter with the bases loaded, we beat the radio.

Ah boy.
Well look, Rafael Dolis is only 24, it's his first go-round and under more normal circumstances his responsibilities would be much less.
Circumstances like the Cubs actually having a team.
With a bullpen not created out of such randomness.
Dolis would be kind of a jewel, I think, if he came in the 7th and then there were a couple monsters for the 8th and 9th.
So don't get too down on the kid, I cannot imagine the pressure he's under, and the Cubs having their asses handed to them because of massive bullpen failure on Memorial Day weekend is nothing new.
The illustration above is from a game played on May 26, 2003.
Kerry Wood pitched 7 innings, struck out 10 and gave up one run.
The 8th and 9th innings featured Phil Norton (Phil Norton?) who gave up 2 runs followed by (current Pirate) Juan Cruz who gave up 4 runs followed by the extra-digited Antonio Alfonseca who gave up 3.
Cubs lost zero to 10.

But a sad way to lose to the Pirates.
Bases loaded, guy gets hit with a 96 MPH fastball...
Pirates 3 Cubs 2.

Still, I hope you're having an awesome Memorial Day weekend.
WE made some ribs yesterday (that's a Cub logo good luck thingy I made with a horse shoe on the left):

 

And I got to enjoy an old fashioned:

Lastly, this weekend.
Memorial Day.
They set this time aside so we have a chance to reflect.
Which we should all be doing.
I'm not gonna get all "ultimate sacrifice" and all that, but honestly, the people who take care of us are a truly remarkable bunch and always have been.
This is my Dad:

He's kind of bad ass, don't you think?
Pop, I'm sure you're reading this.

Thank you.

 

Ryan Dempster can't get any support (gif)

So I can take the losing, I understand the Theo Epstein plan for the future, I get that 2012 will be bad.
But the fact that Ryan Dempster can't get a win is just revolting.
He's so good, and not just on the mound.
From Cubs.com: "I felt if I would have fielded a ground ball and turned a double play, we'd still be playing now," Dempster said. "I field my position and turn two, and they don't score, it's a different ballgame."
He just steps up and takes the heat, no matter how ridiculous the situation is.
His team mates should kiss the ground Dempster walks on.
Stupid pickoff on Mather, the Soriano interfering with the infielder - what the hell, man?
There's nobody on the team you can call "clutch".
So the Cubs lose zero to one to the Pirates, and have effectively switched perception with them.
I used to hear "Pirates" and think "doormat".
Now, it's the other way around.

Okay, I told you I'd tell the vasectomy story if they lost 10 straight.
This story is unbelievable and embarrassing, but here goes.

I'm always busy, and I don't have time for stuff that maybe I should.
I make the appointment and the doctor asks if I want to come in and chat about the procedure.
I go, "It's outpatient, right? I'm in and out?"
He goes, "yeah."

And that's all I learned before I went in.

So when I show up at the reception desk and the nurse asks, "Did you shave?" I kinda knew I should have thought this through a little more.
She was asking if I'd shaved my nad area, of course, which I hadn't.
So she enthusiastically says, "Oh GOOD! I'll shave you then."
She looks about 19 and probably likes pastry or gravy a little too much.
I swear to you this story is all true.
I go put on a green backless garment with nothing on underneath.
I lay on a stainless steel table with bright lights above, she comes in with a pink disposable razor and does her job.
The doc comes in shortly after and says, "Has the patient been shaved?"
Nurse is proud of herself and says, "Oh yes!" 
Doc says, "Not good enough." 
Nurse says, "Oh no. I just threw out the last disposable razor." 
Doc says, "That's okay."
And out of his pocket he pulls one of those kinds of razors that fold with the giant blade.
The kind from a slasher movie.
See?
Unbelievable.
So I just try to stare at the ceiling with my nad area exposed while he finishes the job as the nurse looks on.
Then, a knock.
Doc: "Mr. Souers, I teach a class at (some school), would you mind if some of my students observed?"
On the humiliation scale, I've already kind of bottomed out so I say okay, and in walk maybe 3 college students.
I think I remember a pain killing shot, but when he yanks something in the little cut he's made, it's an unusual kind of pain, and it's no fun imagining tubes or whatever he's grabbing getting cut or tied or whatever the hell he did in there.
Then, I get sewn up, put my clothes on and walk outside.
Where I've parked my bike.
Shoulda had that chat with the doc.

Okay so my wife picks me and my bike up, I go home, I sleep, I feel okay, I go in the back yard and (long story I won't get into) attempt to move a picnic table.
This produces an unbelievable pain.
I go back in the house, I lay on the couch, it's maybe 9 am on a Saturday and I yell, "HONEY, CAN YOU BRING ME A BEER?"

I stay on the couch for the entire day.

Cut.

Now it's like a month later, and I'm supposed to go see the doc again to make sure the procedure worked.
I figure he's going to do some test or something.
But it's a different building, a different nurse, a tiny reception area, and there are two other people sitting on chairs right... there.
The nurse hands me a cup and a tissue and says I'm to go in a little room and give her a "sample".
I say, "What?"
She says, "A sperm sample."
I swear to God.
Nobody said anything about that part.

Anyway, if you're getting any kind of procedure - ESPECIALLY a vasectomy - go have a little chat with your doc first.