The way ESPN announcers talks with their hands has been bothering me for years.
Especially the newly recruited ex-player.
Actually, it's not so much talk with their hands as it is distract - like their hands are pigeons, or small monkeys being electrocuted.
You know these guys don't start out like that, right?
Because nobody does that naturally.
There has to be an ESPN School or something.
Maybe a class called "Talking on ESPN 101"?
I've taken presentation courses for advertising.
There's some expert guy and he sets up a camera in a conference room and other people you work with are watching and you're nervous and you do a presentation and answer tricky improv questions and they critique your performance and give you a digital copy of the thing you worry people who dislike you might put on You Tube.
Imagine if you're a freshly retired pro football player going to ESPN School.
There's probably a camera crew and an anchor desk. You'd be in there with pro announcer-teachers and a previously taped game, and you have to do "color" or whatever.
But then there's the other part, where they teach you how to actually be on camera like you were doing pre-game or talking at the half with Mike Ditka or "Jaws" or guys like that.
And you say, "He can run! He can catch! It's time for a Matt...Forte payday! Chicago Bears: do not forsake Forte!"
And the ESPN Teacher goes, "NO! For a sentence like this, you have to hold your hands in the air as if you're doing the five dollar foot long song, and shake 'em up and down to emphasize your point!"
Pretty soon, it's just natural to swat at invisible bats whenever you open your mouth to speak.
Anyway, if you hadn't noticed this before I apologize because...well no I don't.
In fact, now I hope you won't be able to take your eyes off the hands.
Share my pain, please.
Now onto today's game.
I swore I wouldn't fall for it, but I've been completely sucked in by the Bears.
Detroit can be beat (I can't believe I just said that), and 4 Ws in a row will be sweet.