You know I've been saying this for what seems like FOREVER.
The Bears need to lose Lovie and Jerry.
Nobody else is responsible for what the Bears have become.
It's those. two. guys.
I PRAY that Jerry's last gasp was/is Jay Cutler.
As you know, the Bears have been horrible since 2007, but 2009 was going to be just hideous.
Then Jay Cutler got mad at Denver and demanded out, Jerry saw his chance at deflecting blame and signed him. (Read this story from Peter King, "How the Cutler-Orton trade went down".)
With our shiny new toy, the whole city oohed and ahhed when Angelo signed the new QB, and we all sort of forgot about how bad all the other parts were.
The O-line had already gone to seed, but that's okay - we got JAY! Just give up couple first round picks, a second round pick, Kyle Orton and poof, everybody forgot how awful the Bears were.
But a funny thing happened this last Sunday: Jay Cutler sucked all by himself.
He didn't need the offensive line to not block to look as bad as he did.
And as much as it pains me to say this, good.
Because I've lost faith in the Bears, and worse... I've lost hope.
Seriously, how do you envision this getting cleaned up without an overhaul?
(Okay, pretty awkward segue, but here goes...)
The Bears are like an old toilet right now - it won't flush and there's a leak in the seal that's letting out some unseemly smells.
Which brings me to hopefully the funny part of this post, because we had to get a new toilet last week for real, and through the adventure of it all I just kept thinking about Lovie and Jerry's Bears.
So, our house is ancient and we had a toilet stop working.
The plan was to go get a new one, and then if I was feeling bold I'd put it in myself, or if not then get a plumber over to put it in.
I did some on-line research, and there's a bunch of videos produced by Lowe's that show step by step how to do stuff around the house, including putting in a toilet.
Somewhere in the middle there, however, it says, "Put a rag in the hole to stop the sewer gas..." and just like that I was no longer interested in trying it myself.
Still, I went to Lowe's to buy a toilet.
The Lowe's guy was trying to sell a toilet to another couple for like, 10 minutes while I waited and looked at the selection. Did you know that each maker of toilets has their own slightly different version of "white"? Like there's Kohler White and Jacuzzi White?
Finally, the other couple left.
I asked for help, told the guy I'd done some research which I of course left home.
"What's a good one?" I ask.
"This one here everybody buys because there are NEVER any problems."
I go, "Well, I seem to remember the name "American Standard"."
The guy breaks into a smile and ushers me down the aisle.
"This is the American Standard "Champion" toilet. It's the Cadillac of toilets."
I swear to God he said that.
I said okay, I'll take it.
But he wasn't done.
To prove that it was "The Cadillac of toilets", he showed me this flushing video on his i-phone:
So... grossest video ever.
I made a face like I ate bad shellfish, he smiled and took my credit card.
I wheeled the 126 pound American Standard "Champion" toilet to my car, drove it home, put it onto this thingy with casters some moving guys left one time, then went in and called our plumber.
Conversation went like this:
Plumber: You bought toilet?
Plumber: American Standard Champion?
(I'm impressed that he knows his toilets and proud that I got the best one.)
Me: Wow. How did you know?
Plumber: It's the crappy one they always sell. Sometimes the parts break.
Plumber: American Standard. It's not even made in America. Ha ha ha ha.
Plumber: Take it back and get Kohler Cimarron.
Me: Okay bye (click)
Lowe's didn't have it, but Home Depot did.
Anyway, thought you'd all like to know that.
Kohler yes. American Standard no.
New regime yes. Jerry and Lovie no.