I'm kidding of course.
Nothing can salvage 2010, a heinous boil on the giant ass of the body of work from one of the oldest teams in baseball.
The Cubs are 3-9 against the Pirates, the team with the all-of-baseball worst 43-87 record.
And I feel for Mike Quade.
What would you say if you were that guy?
"If you strike out against one of their hack pitchers, you'll have to drop and gimme 50 right in the batter's box. That includes you, Ramirez."
Nah, the Union would get him. Besides, Aramis can't do 50 pushups.
"If you can't stand the heat, get out of the..."
Nah, too clichéd.
"If we win tonight, Shawon Dunston's gonna take us all to McDonald's!"
Maybe that's it.
Whatever he says, for pity's sake can you Cubs just please beat the Pirates?
Next.
Manny to the Sox.
I bet he'd play lights out for the remainder of the season. His injuries would miraculously vanish. He makes me vomit.
Next.
The Bears are the new Cubs.
That's all I got.
Go Cubs.
