And I apologize in advance if the following seems insensitive but...
WHAT ABOUT ME, MAN?
What about the lowly Cub Fan?
YOU THINK YOU HAVE ANGER ISSUES, CARLOS? YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
WHAT AM I TO DO ABOUT MY ANGER ISSUES - HOLD MY BREATH AND COUNT TO A HUNDRED AND TWO YEARS?
What about 1969, Carlos? Were you even born yet?
You think this team is bad? HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF HECTOR VILLANUEVA?
Since you became a Cub in 2001, you've seen 3 Cub teams under .500 (not including this year).
SINCE 1970, I'VE SEEN TWENTY FIVE CUB TEAMS UNDER .500.
You know why I never wear a rally cap? BECAUSE THE RALLY CAP WAS INVENTED WHEN THE TIGERS CAME FROM BEHIND TO BEAT THE CUBS IN THE 1945 WORLD SERIES!
Compared to what most Cub Fans are feeling right now, Lee Elia's rant is Disney Channel material.
What about $6.75 for 16 ounces of Budweiser? What about $30 bucks to park in somebody's crappy garage? WHAT ABOUT A SCALPER ASKING ME $100 FOR A BLEACHER SEAT?
What about getting SWEPT out of the PLAYOFFS TWO YEARS IN A ROW?
What about getting Lou Piniella as manager, only he's THE CALM VERSION?
GIVE ME DON ZIMMER PLEASE, THAT I MAY WALLOW IN HIS GLORIOUS UMPIRE RANTING.
Seriously, what's so wrong with KICKING DIRT ON AN UMP WHEN YOUR TEAM IS PLAYING LIKE PIXIES?
How is it that the Cubs suddenly had Aaron Miles and didn't have Mark DeRosa? HOW DID THEY ACQUIRE AN OUTFIELDER WHO'S HEAD WAS SO FAR OUT OF THE GAME THAT HE TOSSED A LIVE BALL INTO THE BLEACHERS?
And what is up with these God-awful PIRATES? HOW CAN A TEAM WITH THE LOWEST PAYROLL IN BASEBALL BEAT THE TEAM WITH THE THIRD HIGHEST PAYROLL 8 TIMES OUT OF 10?
I could almost imagine what it would be like to be living your awful life, Carlos, but just as I was about to grasp it STEVE BARTMAN LURCHED UP AND KNOCKED IT AWAY! IT SQUIRTED UNDER LEON DURHAM'S GLOVE AND WENT BETWEEN HIS LEGS INTO RIGHT FIELD.
Then, a goat ate it.