Cubby-Blue

At Wrigley with Larry O'Brien again.

This actually happened on Saturday. The game that is. But here's what happened...

Larry O'Brien, who you'll recall is Ted Lilly's agent, invited Sutter and I to the game Saturday. The text from Larry said that he had stuff to do but he'd catch up to us late in the game.

And also that "Ted left 2 tics under your name" at the will-call window.

That would be a pitcher you might be familiar with.

Left some tickets for us.

So you can imagine the over the top voice I put on when I got to the front of the line and said, "Yes uh, tewwwwwww tickets for Tim Souers left here byyyyyyyyyyyy...Ted Lilly."

Nobody laughed.

Anyway Larry caught up with us in the 8th, we watched the end of the game and then headed to a less crowded bar over on Southport to chat.

Larry's a seriously funny guy with a billion stories, lots of them taking place on the golf course with guys like Charlie Hough or other pros or ex-pros. And we talked baseball and we talked about Ted and the Cubs. After a bit, Sutter had to go. And then Larry's phone rang and when he hung up he goes, "Hey, you wanna go meet Ted Lilly?" 

What do you think I said?

So I walk in with Larry and there's Ted, Tasha, Ted jr., and Larry's wife Chris. 

You know, I have no idea what it would be like to be a Cub. To have, you know, a million people who want to meet you. I kind of felt like I was intruding at first. You're the Lilly's - when do you get free time, and all that. 

But I tried my best not to break a vase or anything, and Ted and Tasha and Chris were all just the most normal people you can imagine. Like, if you came over to my house, we'd talk and I'd ask what you did and stuff like that. 

That's how it was - all normal. 

Ted was wearing shorts and he was barefoot, just like you or me laying around the house after work. (I don't know what I expected - that he wore a Cubs uniform all the time or something?)

Tasha and Chris - we met them last year when Larry took us to a game, and they're both real down to earth too. Offered me water or a beer. Probably I was sweating or something.

We watched the Preakness while little Ted Jr. crawled around on Ted and Tasha. 

I found out that Ted Jr. - his full name is Theodore Roosevelt Lilly the IV.

Why? Well because Ted's great grandfather actually rode with Teddy Roosevelt and the Rough Riders, and named his son (Ted's grandfather) Theodore Roosevelt Lilly.

So, I thought about twisting that and saying, "You mean Teddy Roosevelt and the Rough Riders rode with Ted Lilly's great grandfather, right?"

I also thought about telling some old little league stories. 

Luckily, that's when the Preakness came on. Larry had some crazy trifecta thing going on, but his horses didn't come in.

Anyway, that's not something that happens every day and I was kinda proud of myself for not doing a Morgan Freeman thing.

Sunday I woke up, made banana pancakes for the kids and mowed the grass.

Listened to Ted, Sean Marshall, Carlos Marmol and a clutch hit from Xavier Nady beat the Pirates FINALLY!

I'm pretty sure he's not real happy about the 3 runs.

But the team getting a W?

Yep.

One last thing, if you get a minute and want to see some of what we were doing when I took that looong trip, here's one of the commercials.

Cub Fans: go garden instead of killing someone.

I was driving home from work Friday when a hapless woman slammed on her brakes, blocking the right lane, just past an entrance to the auto mechanic's place where she wanted to go. The car behind her was bumper to bumper, too close to pull around. The car behind that car was me, in the same predicament, only I was a Cub Fan and the Cubs had just lost to the Pirates again.

The woman wanting to go into the auto mechanic's place had apparently decided she'd wait until traffic cleared behind her so she could back up, rather than go around the block.

The Rage, it just took over. 

I started blaring my horn at second #3. 

I also had my top down, which gave me the luxury of yelling, which happened at about second #7.

By the time I could pull out into the left lane, little bits of stuff between my teeth were flying out my mouth while I let out a constant stream of full volume profanity which I'm sure you couldn't really hear because of the horn. When I got parallel, I stopped in the left lane (not caring about the traffic behind me), and with all the veins popping out of my neck told her in so many words that I thought she wasn't a very smart person. 

And when she looked at me I didn't get the satisfaction of her being mad back because she looked... like she was looking at a crazy man.

How long had I been trapped there? Maybe 15 seconds. 

And that's when I realized I'd lost it. 

Which is why today is a perfect day to go garden with the game on your transistor.

Cubs on 1st and 3rd with one out and Aramis hits into a double play? Take your freaking hoe and whack the ground with all your might. 

John Grabow comes in and walks the first two with the Cubs up by one in the 6th? Shovel like Cool Hand Luke in the prison line.

Get on your knees with that spade in both hands and plunge it into the dirty black heart of wasted run opportunity and pitching incompetence.

By the time the game's over, you'll be spent and even if the Cubs drop another one, the tomatoes will be planted.

Cubs vs. Pirates: money-math illustrated

 

I don't know about you, but nothin' gets me more off-the-charts mad than when the #3 payroll in baseball loses to #30, which would be the cheapest franchise in baseball otherwise known as the Pittsburgh Pirates.

I can understand a now-and-then loss to a really really bad team, but when the Cubs were swept - when they were outscored 5 to 18 over three days against pitchers like Paul Maholm and Charlie Morton and Brian Burres, who had 2 wins between the three of them until the Cubs came to town? I lost it.

Thus the illustration, which is actually graphically very close to correct based on a 1:4 size ratio in real life. Like Aaron Miles is about 5' tall, and a great white can get to be 20'.

Anyway...I just...don't want to see the Cubs lose to the freaking Pirates this weekend is all.

Okay?

That's all I wanted to say.

Also, half my subscribers disappeared last night, and it's my fault. Tried to do something technical behind the scenes blog-wise and it backfired. So if you got disconnected, I'm so sorry and please sign in again. If anybody has any issues please let me know and I'll try to fix.

Go Cubs.

The Steven Seagal of Wrigley Field

 
 Maybe you’ve seen this guy patrolling the stands at Wrigley, keeping everything safe for the Cub Fan.

I don’t know his real name, but he’s one of those security guys in the khaki pants and hat, the white shirt with “crowd management” stitched under a Cubs logo over his heart, and most importantly the Secret Service walkie talkie thing around his neck.

He also sports a bunch of tattoos along with a skinny pony tail and walks around with the ‘tude of the B-movie roughneck superstar.

One day a guy behind me pointed to him and said, “Look. It’s the Steven Seagal of Wrigley.”

I spit up my beer.

Obviously trained to spot any unruly fan or potential riotous situation, we’ve seen this man in action, calling for backup on his walkie, eyes hidden behind his mysterious Dirty Harry shades.

But I’ve never seen him actually do anything with his hands.

Which is a shame, because I’m sure that just like Steven, this guy has hands that blur when they move, and knock bad guys into oblivion or just rip out their jugular if they're too rude. 

With him around, there is no need for a taser at Wrigley Field.

Well, unless you wanted to use it on a player.

It was getting soooo ugly around here I couldn't bear to watch any more, but the Cubs finally pulled one out yesterday - a 4-3 victory over the (slightly-less-rotten-than-the-Cubs) Marlins.

Carlos "Odd Job" (he looks kinda like that old James Bond nemesis) Silva did the trick, going 6 1/3 and gave up 2 runs. He's undefeated at 4-0. 

Weird.

Carlos Silva. (photo from today's Tribune)

Odd Job.  

PS: You never know – the Steven Seagal of Wrigley Field just may be that Navy Seal guy who was forced into the quiet life of Cubs security because he beat up some jerk superior officer who'd endangered Steven's men during a mission overseas, and now Steven’s just biding his time, waiting to save the world.

Antti Niemi: The Niemisis

 The word "Nemesis" comes from Greek mythology - a goddess (goddesses are bad ass too) who was the "spirit of divine retribution". The name comes from the word "nemien", which meant "to give what is due".

Well, given all the brilliant press for Roberto Luongo I think Antti Niemi had a little chip on his shoulder and certainly gave what was due: one dinky goal out of 60 minutes of hockey way up in the enemy's house. 

What an awesome game, and I can't imagine there's been more pressure on a single Hawk than on the rookie goalie, and he's been magnificent. Luongo really was brilliant early on, but by the end he was shattered, even hearing boos from his home crowd.

Last night, and this series, belonged to The Niemisis, and just maybe we're watching the birth of a new Greek (okay Finnish) God.

One shout out to Canuck Sami Salo, who played last night with only half his jewels - a truly ballsy performance.

Hawks 5, Canucks 1, and the Hawks now move into the Western Conference Finals against the San Jose Sharks.

As for the Cubs:

When your guys get on base, you ought to have another guy come up to bat and what he does is hit the ball with that bat. And then the other guys who are on base can run around and touch each base until they get all the way to home plate. When that happens more for you than it happens for the guys on the other team, then you win!