Cubby-Blue

Has anyone seen the Chicago Bears?

 I still look for 'em.

Force of habit, I guess.

I turned on the tv last Sunday and it was Ravens 14, Bears 7.

So I watched all the way through the beginning of half number two.

And then I thought, as I have all season, where did the Bears go?

What happened to that team other teams just didn't like to play?

I got the cab receipt (above) yesterday, only it had a picture of a ring on there.

Bears logo looks pretty appropriate there though, doesn't it?

Because the Bears are lost.

With Jerry Angelo driving, the cab took a wrong turn and went out to freaking Siberia, or maybe Gary. 

Either way, they're sure not in Chicago.

You can vent your anger at Ron Turner because he's just not very good.

You can vent your anger at Lovie Smith because he deserves it.

(Of course, he'll throw a challenge flag and lose.)

But seriously, this whole bad deal falls on the driver.

And if I'm the cab company, I gotta fire this guy.

I'm not paying a guy to drive who doesn't have a map.

Stupid metaphor aside, the worst thing happening right now isn't on the field.

It's when I talk to other Bear fans, and they're apathetic.

Like me, they can't bring themselves to watch.

When Chicago people stop caring about the Bears... it's just so unforgivably wrong I can't stop myself from repeating: GET RID OF JERRY ANGELO.

Okay, probably one more really negative post from me before the end of the year, because putting '09 in historical context probably makes this year one of the all-time worst. Except for the Hawks.

But in the meantime, I'm gonna go poke a giant roast with little holes and put in garlic spears and tiny rosemary sprigs. Think about smoking that thing tomorrow.

It's time to get in the Holiday spirit.

A look behind the Cubs

 

I found an old photo from the first time I went to Jamaica way back when. It’s taken from above up on a cliff, and I’m in about 20 feet of ocean, snorkeling for the first time in my life. (Of course I lost it somewhere last night, so I did this stupid little drawing.)

See how I’m kinda bent sideways?

That’s so I have a clear view of any sharks coming up from behind who wanna eat my legs.

Seriously, when it comes to me and the ocean, that’s my technique: a never ending twist so I can scan behind me.

You've seen "Jaws".

I first saw it in high school at a drive-in on a summer night in Belleville, IL.

One minute I was sitting on the hood of a car thinking about how in the world I might kiss that one girl with the long brown hair.

And then... that music came out of that dangling, tinny speaker and the pretty, soft naked woman was swimming and the legs are kicking and the camera coming up from below…

2 hours later the world was different.

I didn't kiss anybody.

Because I am not kidding about sharks – there is no more terrifying thing in the world.

I can’t even make up a metaphor for that fear.

And that first time snorkeling?

There was a shark behind me, and he was gigantic.

We’ll get to that in a minute.

First, lets talk about the Cubs.

 We’ve already spoken about our reduced expectations for next summer, but depending on Matt Holliday staying in St. Louis it’s not unrealistic to think that the Cubs are near the top of the Central.

I just wanted to look behind them for that shark.

It ain’t the Pirates.

I think the Brewers might have gotten a mini-Milton in our old friend LaTroy Hawkins.

The Reds?

You think Dusty’s sort of ruined those arms?

Aaron Harang was apparently this close to going to the Dodgers, poor guy.

Right now I’d say the Cubs ought to feel not so bad, at least about the Central.

Now, compared to the rest of the NL, the Central can't even hope for shark status - more like blowfish.

 Okay, back to the ocean.

I’m snorkeling with this guy Steve, the boyfriend of my girlfriend’s girlfriend.

Steve is a great guy who wears glasses with really thick lenses, which he can’t wear under his mask.

He's snorkeling blind, in other words.

So it’s my responsibility to watch out for the big shark for both of us.

We’re in an area called “The Cliffs” in Negril, so called because there are no beaches on this part of the island.

 

You climb down a 3^rd World ladder into the water. Right when you get in it’s about 20’ deep with the ocean going out one way and a wall of jagged black rocks with the waves crashing back the other.

My theory here is that if I can see what’s about to eat me, well, I’d be okay with that. So snorkeling is kind of okay.

Because of "Jaws", I absolutely can NOT swim on the top of deep water without being able to see below me.

I tried it.

My legs involuntarily kick at their full speed so I pop up out of the water like a peeing dolphin – it’s embarrassing.

So there I am, behind Steve trying to be cool while corkscrewing around to look behind me.

And there it is: SHARK!

Gigantic and dark and not looking at me sideways.

It’s swimming right at me.

If you put both your hands over your mouth (like you’re about to sneeze) and scream as loud as you can, you can replicate the noise that I made, only without all the bubbles.

I grabbed Steve’s leg while making that noise.

We popped our heads out of the water and I made that noise in open air.

Then Steve said, “What the hell, man?”

And I pointed to the shark and urgently informed him that we needed to immediately get out of the water.

His point of view was that the cliff was about 30 feet straight up and the rocks would cut us silly.

I said something like,“THERESAFUCKINGSHARKRIGHT. THEEEEERRRE!”

The whole time we’re having this conversation, maybe 9 seconds, I’ve got my snorkel out but still have my mask on and I’m alternating looking at the shark from under water and from above the water.

It’s now about 15 feet from us, but now it’s moving very slowly.

In fact, did it stop?

It’s kinda just hovering there, and I can see that while it’s really a fat shark under water, it’s not a very long shark from above.

Steve goes, “Are you sure that’s a shark?”

And then I notice a strange yellow thing coming off the side of the shark.

It’s… a yellow piece of plastic!

The kind you find in the seam at the top of… a garbage bag.

 

Now, there’s really no way to recover your manhood after that, right?

But at least I’m man enough to tell the story.

Freaking empty garbage bag.

I got out of the water, had some rum.

Here's a sketchbook from one of those Jamaica trips. The subject is Drumville Cove, where we were staying.

 

Milton Bradley is gone!

Milton Bradley is finally gone.

He goes to the Seattle Mariners for pitcher Carlos Silva.

I'M SO HAPPY!

If I hadn't gone to our Holiday party last night I'd totally be celebrating, but uh, that's not gonna happen. In fact, nobody's allowed to make any sudden loud noises around me today.

I've heard that Carlos' numbers aren't so good, that he's owed $24 mil over the next two years, that Seattle threw in $6 mil, and none of that means anything to me at all.

Milton is gone.

That's meaningful, friends.

Geovany Soto is in the dictionary under "sophomore slump"

 

Man, did Geovany Soto ever have a tough year.

The WBC, the weed, the weight, the lack of hitting, pretty much the opposite of his Rookie of the Year season. 

But really? Not that unexpected, especially if you put it in the context of "sophomore slump".

And I totally figure he'll be back to himself next season - that guy who goes and tells Big Z to settle the hell down. The big bat. The inside the park homer guy. 

Geo's somebody the Cubs really need to be real.

I remember reading or seeing an interview with him and this isn't exactly what he said but it was like, "I don't wanna just be the best in baseball, I want to be the best of all time."

Hey, maybe that's unrealistic but it's good to have that attitude.

Thanks to Neil Finnell over at Chicago Cubs Online for this "Sophomore Slump" idea, and if you go to their place you can read the latest on the Milton Bradley saga - he may be going to Seattle like, soon.

Please make it so.

Cubs: Why not just keep Reed Johnson?

 

I finally saw something that made sense for the Cubs. It's on MLB Trade Rumors. 

No, not the part about getting Marlon Byrd. 

It's the part about keeping Reed Johnson.

We've all heard that until Milton Bradley's gone, the hands of the Cubs are kinda tied, right?

He continues to hamper the Cubs as there were tons of talented center fielders available, they all went away and now we're left with Byrd or Crisp or somebody.

Lou wanted Mike Cameron.

For a year, and for a lot less than what he got from Boston.

To me, that says they want a placeholder.

So, why not just keep Reed? 

Keep Kosuke in right where he belongs, you keep Alfonso in left where he's in the only place he makes any sense, and if you believe in him bring up Tyler Colvin to mix in with Reed, (and Sam Fuld is fun to watch).

I don't know about you, but next year? I'm just not feeling that "this is THE YEAR" thing.

So, I'd rather like the team.

Maybe I've got blinders on, but I like Reed Johnson, it's simple as that.