Sam Zell has gotten on my nerves more than I thought possible.
He’s a selfish bait and switchin hijackin gnome looking money terrorist.
Or (as he might say), an asshole.
Since I'm pretty sure some of you share this opinion, I made something for you (see artwork).
You’ll have to have a bulletin board, and then...
Print out your Sam Zell Voodoo Doll and tack it up.
From watching movies like “Angel Heart”, I think that for a proper voodoo spell to take effect you need something personal of Sam Zell's.
And something personal of Sam Zell's is easy.
Anything you bought that is Cub-related, Sam Zell has a personal stake in.
So... a ticket stub, a cub hat, a baseball card, a beer cup from the park... ANYTHING you paid Sam money for will do.
Whatever that is, tack that up next to the doll.
Then, stick it to him (I didn't stick him already in the photo because that's your job).
Anywhere on Sam's Voodoo Doll body, poke in pins, nails, darts, railroad spikes, $5 Cub Convention pins, stuff like that.
While doing so, be creative about what you wish would happen to him (you don't have to simply hope for death - there can be far worse things for Sam than that).
Think about Sam leaving his wallet in the left field bleachers, and what that might escalate to besides a round for Wrigley each inning "on the house".
Imagine Sam kidnapped by angry Lemon Chill vendors, the ransom being one Roy Halladay.
Or even picture Sam slipping in dog crap and falling onto his own hatchet-shaped money clip, the gash in his thigh absolutely ruining his JC Penney's poly cotton blend trousers, which I'm sure he wears because he's so grubbing.
Man, I feel better and I haven't even hung it up yet.
Okay, last night not so good.
Rich Harden was incomplete and the team played crap D and the bats were stymied by a guy who doesn't start.
Tomorrow is Colorado, which is going to be...tougher.
And Sam, let go of my team.