Cubby-Blue

Milton Bradley creates modern version of "Merkle's Boner"

Milton's Boner.

That's how I'll remember yesterday, when the biggest Cub acquisition of the off season made the biggest boner play of the regular season.

Struggling to see the ball in right field, Milton Bradley caught a routine fly ball, held on to it while thinking about something, and then turned and tossed the ball into the bleachers.

Of course, whatever he was thinking about didn't include the Minnesota Twins' Brendan Harris on first, didn't include Nick Punto on third, and it didn't include the fact that that the catch he'd just made was only the 2nd out.

It wasn't until he turned around to see Punto score and Harris running to third that he realized the boner.

After the game, Harris said, "...the way he caught it, deep down, I was like wait a minute, that's only two...I'm running, and then I heard the crowd getting on him, and I almost kind of laughed."

Yeah, hilarious.

With this play, Milton created his own enormous monkey-on-the-back.

The kind his predecessor Jacque Jones was never able to shake.

My hope is that he keeps his head down and begins to make us all forget yesterday.

He has to be better than this, right?

The Cubs manage 6 hits and even 4 runs, but lose to the Twins by 3.

Today Rich Harden makes his return from injury to face rookie Anthony Swarzak.

And if you don't know about the New York Giants' Fred Merkle and the infamous "Merkle's Boner" play, go here to read the story.

Of course it involves the Cubs, and of course it happened in 1908.

Somebody help me - didn't something happen in 1908?

Something big.

Can't remember.

The Chicago Cubs' Constipated Bats

Well, crap.
This team, I don't know...either hit or get off the pot.
The Cubs lose 2-1 in a 13 inning game in which they could only manage 6 hits.
It is revolting to me that a team being paid such an enormous amount can't hit, and they should change something.
We've all heard the Mark DeRosa rumors, even though I figure it's just wishful thinking.
But hell, bring the guy back.
Make a freaking change.
I'm in advertising.
We get paid to come up with ideas, and guess what happens to people that don't come up with ideas?
They go away.
I've been trying to put a positive spin on this season, but it's just getting more and more difficult.
There are expectations for this year, dammit.
Alfonso Soriano is hitting .236 and slugging .473.
Hector Villanueva hit .230 and slugged .442.
Aaron Miles?
.200 and .257.
He's not even Paul Noce, who was a career .232 hitter and slugged .354.
You know where Paul Noce went?
Home.
Right now, it's like every Cub has chosen 2009 to be their un-career year.
The bats are all stopped up.
Take a freaking laxative and get the hits.
Have a movement.
Get the runs.
Today we're back to the same "get Randy Wells his first win" thing.
DAMMIT!

Okay, deep breath.
And moving on.

Tonight I got invited to the premier of "We Believe", the new movie about the Cubs produced by Tim McGuire, Chris Claeys, Richard C. Christian and director John Scheinfeld.
Of course, I'm working in Los Angeles and can't come.
And I'm really bummed because it looks like a beautiful documentary, and some of these guys are buddies. (Also, the rumor mill has it that maybe a couple people who play on a certain North side baseball team might be there.)
Tim McGuire edited my second commercial - a Wheaties spot with Mary Lou Retton, which we shot in Houston (I hate the Astros, by the way) over the objections of her freaky control freak coach Bela Karolyi.
(Wow is that spot ever dated.)
In fact, Tim edited almost everything I did early on, and now along with Chris owns Cutters - a giant post production facility filled with people as nice as Tim and Chris.
Anyway, I'm gonna be sure to see it later, and one good thing about missing it tonight is that I won't bawl in front of everyone like I know I would.

This photo is pretty dated as well, I was mid 20s here. If I tried to put that shirt on today it probably wouldn't go over my fat neck.
Like the powder blue Ocean Pacific shorts?

The Milton Bradley Puzzle: Can You Spot the Differences?

He's one of this year's biggest puzzles, Milton Bradley.

Seriously, what the hell happened?

What could be so different from one year to the next, of course besides using a giant carrot instead of a bat?

Is it just the pressure of playing for Chicago?

Going from DH to playing right field?

The unusually cold weather we're having this summer?

Look at the numbers at the bottom.

It's like two completely different guys.

Cubs.com says Lou watched a bunch of Milton video from last year, and compared it to this year looking for what could be wrong.

"I think we found something that will help him." he said.

Man, I hope so.

Because this Milton isn't gonna do the trick.

Yesterday was a travel day, and didn't get a chance to see anything except "Cubs lose."

Blech.

A one run loss with the winning run from Houston coming in the bottom of the 9th, wasting a fabulous Big Z 8-inning effort.

These bats, including Milton's - they need an extended run of excellence.

May it start today, please.

Lilly, Fontenot, and the Cub Bats all have a nice day.

Been awhile since Mike Fontenot saw the ball like he was seeing it last night.

A homer, 2 singles and a double - 4 for 5 on a semi-relaxing night for this year's team.

And of course, you give Ted Lilly a 3 run lead in the first and you're gonna be in the driver's seat for the next 5 or 6 innings.

What a nice win.

Not alot of drama, lots of Cub hits (16!), dominant pitching... all in the city of Houston.

Pretty sure you'll want to talk about the other Ted today.

The one with the bat.

The one smacking the ball and sprinting around first, around second, and blissfully into third with a belly slide as beautiful as any you could ever hope to see.

From Ted, that is.

He's like a textbook fearless leader leading by fearless example.

Who couldn't be inspired by that?

Hell, I got off the couch and ran around the whole house when he did that, and that takes some serious inspiration.

But here's what I think has been missing from the team this year: confidence.

There's only a couple guys who seem to have it.

Angel Guzman, of course Ted, D. Lee seems to be getting his.

Mikey Fontenot just may have found his again last night.

He's a streaky kid, he was a main carrier early this season, and maybe he'll go on a tear right about now.

Keep an eye on him tonight when the Cubs continue this year's dominance (6 wins to 2 losses) over the Astros.

Big Z (speaking of hitting pitchers) vs. 5-5 Wandy Rodriguez, who hasn't faced the Cubs yet this year.

Go Cubs.

Another I Hate The Astros Page

Have you seen these guys, the Little Pumas?

Saw 'em on tv during the last series in Houston.

Probably the camera will catch them in action some time in the next 3 days...

Just a bunch of guys dressed up in furry costumes who come to beautiful Minute Maid Park to add to the ambience along with the Little Train and the Little Hill in center field.

They're dressed in these adorable little costumes to pay homage to the object of their affection, Lance Berkman (nicknamed "Big Puma" if you didn't know).

Probably they have some kind of little cheer thing they do, which is the subject of today's illustration - the latest in the "I Hate The Astros Page" series.

And, you know, it's really a shame that Sandberg's retired.

If he was still around I would TOTALLY start up the "Little Rynos" cheer club, and we could all dress up in little furry Ryno suits and then...DANCE PARTY in the bleachers.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Anyway, it's Terrible Ted today.

Against Brian Moehler, who has given up 10 runs in 6.2 innings vs. the Cubs this season.

But he won last time.

I'm sure the Little Pumas were dancing.