Why I Don't Really Want To Ask Any Cubs For An Autograph
Well, this started with us talking about getting autographs at the Cubs Convention.
Reminded me of this little brush with fame story.
Nothing to do with the Cubs story-wise, but lesson-wise?
This one time me, writer Oif, and producer Joel Goldsmith were staying at the 4 Seasons in Los Angeles while making a commercial.
When I was checking in this one particular morning, I was thinking about how "cool" the guests are with regards to celebrities who stay at this hotel, because celebs are pretty much left alone.
And just as I was thinking this, I heard a woman shriek, "GERARD DEPARDIEU!"
I turned around and seriously, every woman in the lobby mobbed the guy (you remember him, right? French actor guy?).
That kinda changed my mind.
I thought well, if you were REALLY a super fan of somebody, you might ohhh, I don't know...say hi? Get a handshake? Tell them how much you admire their work?
So, that turned out to be the seed planted in my brain that morning.
We go to a long day of shooting, come back to the hotel, and we were gonna go catch a late dinner.
Going in and out of the 4 Seasons is sort of an event all it's own - you call for your car, you walk past the smiling door guy, the 15 car guys are all wearing Armani or something, and there are way more important people than you (Hollywood people, heads of states, presidents of companies or small countries, and for instance that puffy blonde guy who used to be a rock star but is now in a reality show making out with puffy blonde girls) all waiting to get their car.
Some people enjoy that, but when you're waiting for your Hertz compact wearing the same shorts and t-shirt you wore at the shoot you'd rather just be able to walk to your car.
Back before 9/11, there used to be this other elevator that went straight to the garage (for security, I think only staff can use it now), and we liked it because it was so fast and easy.
Turned out, so did Morgan Freeman, because he was standing right there.
He'd just done "Shawshank Redemption", one of my fav movies ever.
I just yelled "Morgan Freeman!"
He's lookin' right at me, expecting me to, you know, complete the thought, which I hadn't really thought about.
I'm looking at him, Oif and Joel are looking at me, and so is Morgan Freeman.
Then, this comes out of my mouth.
"You're a GOD!"
It would have been so merciful if security had been there so they could have taken me to stalker jail, but they weren't.
The only thing there was time, space, and the echo of "You're a GOD!"
Morgan Freeman, however, is a nice man, and he sort of rescues me.
Smiling, he says, "Well son, I wouldn't exactly say that."
Everybody is so relieved, the elevator is here.
We all get in, Joel and Oif in back, and now I'm standing to Morgan Freeman's right.
This was actually the worst part of the whole deal, because while the elevator doors weren't mirrors, they were highly polished brass.
So I'm looking at a reflection of dork standing next to Morgan Freeman mere seconds after dork called him a God.
It's an enclosed space, there's nowhere to hide, and it's possible that this elevator used to be a freight elevator because it moves...reeaaaaalll....ssloooowwwww.
Morgan Freeman is looking straight ahead, with all the dignity of Hollywood Royalty.
I couldn't stop my stupid darting eyeballs, and after a bit he caught me staring at him.
One of the reasons Morgan Freeman is such an incredible actor is his remarkable, expressive face.
He can say more with an expression than most actors can with a paragraph.
You've seen him do that, right?
So he looked at me and said, "I'm so sorry you're such a colossal ass" without even moving his mouth!
The elevator opened up and he walked out.
Probably got about 10 steps away before Oif and Joel could stand it no more.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU IDIOT! What in the world were you thinking?"
Which was funny because I was kinda thinking what am I thinking the whole time, too.
But it was an honest thing - I really do think he's sort of a God among actors.
And while I think Ryne Sandberg is a God among baseball players, my Morgan Freeman experience has given me wisdom.
Unless I have something specific and smart to say to Ryno, he'll never hear squat from me.
is a sports and art blog following the Chicago Cubs with cartoons, gifs, animations, and illustrations by Chicago artist Tim Souers.
I began the illustrations in 2003 - you can find the links to the 2003 - 2006 seasons below.
2007 - present is in the regular archives.
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