This joke came up in comments the other day, couldn't help but draw it up.
But it's totally plausible that once everybody sees Reed's distinctive new beard, they'll call it a "Johnson".
If he keeps it during the season, I would predict we see a rash of "Johnsons" in Chicago.
If you wanted to grow one, you could say something like, "I'm growing a Johnson".
Or if you'd already grown one you could say, "How do you like my Johnson?"
Hopefully you'd have alot of whiskers or you'd hear, "Wow, pretty small Johnson there."
And when the novelty wears off, you'll hear Johnson-sporters say, "Think I'm gonna cut off my Johnson."
Ahhh, stuff like that makes me laugh, sorry.
Okay, this next one is true.
I was really early.
I was sitting in the aisle seat waiting for Lou and his "Lou-Tenants" to come on stage.
And about fifteen minutes before it was going to start, well, the place started to fill up quickly, and there were two seats right next to me.
A woman and her son stopped by.
"Uh, anybody sitting in those seats?"
"No."
"Great, excuse us."
And they sat down next to me, and the seats were crammed pretty tight, and I could hear everything they were saying, and I took out my little notebook and began writing down their conversation.
The mom had been in line to get an autograph, and somebody in front of her had a baseball to get signed and asked whatever Cub was signing it to "sign it on the sweet spot."
Now, I'm not the kind of guy to wait in one of those never ending lines to get an autograph, so I'm not part of that sub-culture.
Maybe there really is a sweet spot.
Maybe if you take away the stitching and oh, a Cubs logo or whatever else is printed on a baseball, the leftover space could actually be a sweet spot.
But the fact that somebody named it the "sweet spot" floored me, and the absolute seriousness of this mom and son having this conversation...
And I wonder about other things that the people in the Autograph Society know that I don't.
Are there autograph rules?
Like, if you get a photo/handshake then is it uncool to ask for an autograph too?
Is it bad etiquette to have a player sign a ball that's already been signed by a more important player?
Is there an elite group of Autograph-Getters who have become famous in the world of autograph getting?
If there were, they could have their own Autograph-Getter Convention, and everybody could get autographs of other famous autograph-getters.
I would so pay to see that.
Lastly, kudos to Leon Durham and Bill Buckner for having the nads to come to the convention.
They're like twins in a way, but I don't need to go there.
