Hey Cubs, Try A Little Visine

I know that you know that the Cubs are already sick of this little downturn.
Time for some drastic action.
A little Visine, a little Hoffpauir, a little better-than-I-thought news about Carlos Z, and a bunch of extra base hits so we can all get back to that winning thing that was working so nicely just a little while ago.
I've had it with doomsday stuff I read and see on tv.
I'm sick of my stomach being up in my throat all day.
Tired of being about to hurl in any meeting I may be in.
I am ready for this season to begin anew, with the sun shining down on it... tiny drops of dew on the pitcher's mound... little bluebirds chirpi... ah shit, I'll take ANY kind of life right now.
So bring it on you wretched Reds.
Tell me again what you think of Cub Fans, Marty Brennaman.
And when the Cubs are done, behold Lou Piniella's Magic Bus as it pulls out of your town with Ryan Dempster pressing ham against the glass of the back window for your viewing pleasure.

Mostly, lets all have some fun again, okay?
Go Cubs.