Cubby-Blue

It's The A-Rod Dress-Up Doll!

The A-Rod Dress-Up Doll!
It's the biggest new game in the country - even bigger than the World Series!
Seriously, I thought the World Series was really draaaging on, and I pretty much knew the Red Sox were gonna win, so I was like, can we please talk about something else?
Like an angel from heaven, super agent Scott Boras emailed the AP and let them know A-Rod was opting out of his contract, which of course got to my men Tim McCarver and Joe Buck, and thankfully they spared us amost a whole inning of baseball so we could listen to this fascinating story.
Which brings me to my new game...

Scotty Boras - you reading this post?
Listen, I believe I've hit one out of the park with this doll idea.
Dude, you're not just hooked up with sports guys, are you?
'Cause I could use an agent with your skills.
I think I'd like, oh say...GI JOE money for this thing, dude.
Call me.

Red Sox Sweep

Manny Ramirez.
If I were to choose a "face" for this team, it would be his.
Red Sox sweep the World Series, Mike Lowell is the Series MVP, and the '08 season is in the books.

In the coming days I'll have more on this Boston team, the Cubs, the Bears, and A-Hole and his manager Scott Bore-Ass.

Soggy Baseballs or Victory Cigars?

We've all read about the "humidor" at Coors Field - the one that keeps the balls "humidified".
It's supposed to work so that baseballs don't fly out of the park up in their altitude.
After the Sox victory yesterday, it just looks like it's gonna be time for cigars in Boston.
The victory kind.
Probably about midnight their time.
And the Rockies can keep their soggy balls.

What Getting Picked Off Must Feel Like to Matt Holliday

Ohhhh man.
It’s the World Series.
You’re down by one run in the 8th.
There are two outs with Todd Helton, your home run hitter, at bat.
You’ve just actually gotten a HUGE hit off Boston closer Jonathan Papelbon, so you’re standing on first.
You take a lead, but something’s wrong…Papelbon…he’s (I imagine it chaaaanggeess into sloooooowwww motiiiooonnn) noot thhrrowwiinnggg aa piittcchhh…hhee’ss tthhrowwwinnngg ttoo ffirrrsstt bbaaaassssseeeee aandd I ccaan’tt gggeettt bbaaaaackkkkk.
And now you’re crawling like a spaz-crab trying to touch that base, but you look up and the ump’s got his thumb in the air.
You’re so out it’s ridiculous.
Papelbon has picked you off.
On National Television.
It’s like he just ran over and gave you a wedgie in front of the whole country.

Me being sort of neutral, it was truly painful to watch.
When Holliday was getting up off the ground, he looked like he wanted to scream or cry – you had to feel for the guy.
“MONEY” is how Kevin Goff just described it to me.
He’s wearing a Sox hat, by the way.

The final score was 2-1 Boston.
And now, the hole the Rockies are in is almost grave-deep.

You Better Have a 97MPH Fastball to Sport That Beard

You know, he's 6'5" and weighs 220.
He's the biggest stud pitcher this season, this playoffs, this World Series, and maybe the last couple years.
Before he's done, he might be the biggest stud ever.
So if you're Josh Beckett, I guess you can do any damn thing you want.
Even that beard.
And I know he usually has a beard, but man he musta used the worlds smallest scissors to trim it like that.
As soon as the game started, I couldn't take my eyes off it.
I thought it was something stuck on my screen, or maybe old Josh didn't know there was a spider on his chin.
I mean, it had hair.
But only enough to cover a dime.
Probably, I'm nuts.
Probably, if the Series goes beyond 4 games and he pitches again there'll be people selling fake "Joshes" in front of Fenway for $20.
During the game we'll see a shot of oh...say Stephen King sporting one, or maybe Matt Damon and his wife Luciana both with one.
It'll become a rage, this mini upside down chin-pasty.

Okay, the game was semi-predictable.
The Rockies looked like they just got back from vacation, and Boston was clicking on all cylinders.
Here's hoping it's not a wipe-out, 'cause there are some cool kids on that Rocky team.
And there'll be no designated hitter when they go to Colorado...
But I also gotta say, when Dustin Pedroia hit the second pitch out, it was sort of deja vu.
Reminded me of the last Cub game I went to.
Ouch ee wa wa.

The Last 2 Minutes: What REALLY Happened

Come on.
We've all done it.
You're on your cell phone with your boss...you don't like what he/she's saying...you do the fake "static" noise, then say "I...CAN'T HEAR...YOU!" and hang up.
We got it right away, Brian.
The attempt in today's TRIB to give the coaches credit?
To say that the headset really didn't go dead?
Even more proof that it really did.
(Not that the play-calling up to that point wasn't proof enough.)
Don't try to kid an old kidder, Brian.
They're not calling you the "savvy veteran" for nothing.

The Eagle's Secret Weapon

When David Akers came off the field jumping around all excited because he kicked the ball away from Devin Hester, I had to laugh.
I don't know the stats, but the Bears had to be starting off after every kickoff at the 30-35 yard line because of his high, short kicks.
When I did this painting though, I thought the Bears were gonna lose.
Of course the drive was the story of this game.
Brian Griese - you just became the man.
97 yards in less than 2 minutes with no time outs left?
Masterful.
That's usually why I watch other games, so I can say "oh, that's what a pro offense looks like."
Bears 19 Eagles 16, the winning td pass to Moose with 9 seconds left...
I was just listening to Ditka on the radio.
He says, and I agree, we'll find out who this team is next week against Detroit.

What else?
The Red Sox.
Awesome game with Jake Westbrook starting out poorly and picking up as Dice K started hot and went dicey.
So it's on to the World series with the Rockies vs. the Sox.

But my favorite part of the day was after the Bear game.
I'm out by the grill listening to the radio, and somebody's interviewing Tommie Harris.
I can't quote it exactly, but apparently Tommie started this game off praying for his hamstring, and was quite serious about it, mentioning the praying of the hamstring extended to his church group.
I laughed pretty hard, but later I thought you know...why not?
"Oh Father, I ask that you help a body part of Tommie Harris'. That his hammie be healed..."

Dane Cook: Enough, dude.

I get it, Dane.
Even though there's been a ton of different edits, your face and voice and skinny neck have been saying almost the exact same thing all the time for what feels like months.
I remember Don Cheadle doing this same idea for the NFL playoffs way back when, and those spots were awesome.

Okay, tonight's gonna be old Curt Schilling trying to capture his playoff magic.
But if he wins, then what?
Dice K?
Well, I guess one thing at a time, right?
Okay, here's one:
I'm embarassed for Joe Torre's public and weird treatment by the Yankees.
George Steinbrenner - I remember when you and that whole Billy Martin thing were actually kind of entertaining.
But you've ripened like old meat.
Why be such thoughtless bullies?

Lovie Smith: How To Stop Those Runs

I watched most of the Viking game.
I can totally take when the offense can't get it going - that's sort of normal.
But when the Bears D can't stop the run, something's really really wrong.
I do think that other Adrian Peterson is a special talent, but...damn.

This is my first Bear's post, and I'll probably do more.
You know, I do these things and sometimes imagine - what if I ran into somebody I did a sort of mean drawing about and...they knew.
I've met some of the Ditka Bears, and they're not small people.
Scary prospect, but David Baker gave me the thumbs up on this drawing, so there it is.

Okay, Boston vs. Cleveland.
There are a people on my floor who are pretty serious Sox fans, and this isn't pretty.
If Boston drops out I've decided to go with the Rockies, because I don't believe their numbers, and thus are the dogs in my mind no matter what.
Can't they turn off as quick as they turned on?
Or are they just way more amazin' than any '69 Mets team?
And lastly, can I not read about A-Rod for a couple days.
Gracias.

Dusty Baker appeals to the Fundamentals

So Dusty Baker’s gonna take over the managerial duties of the Cincinnati Reds…
My best (or worst) memory of Dusty Baker’s Cub teams is the lack of fundamentals.
It was funny to read in the Trib this morning that he was going to “stress” them.
Remember Moises Alou’s absolute horrendous baserunning, pitchers who can’t bunt, and just what is a cut-off man anyway?
But I do think this is a good thing - good for the Central.
I still don’t know what’s gonna happen with Mr. LaRussa, but if he goes it’ll be a shame.
The Cub/Cardinal rivalry – Tony heightens that thing.

Okay, so the Rockies sweep and go what? Twenty one wins in their last twenty two games?
That’s both impossible and insane.
The Indians up two to one vs. the Red Sox.
I actually felt bad for Dice K last night, walking off the field.
But I still don’t know who I’m pulling for.
illustration