I remember having to learn the metric system when I was in grade school, but I never really did. So when the CHICAGO TRIBUNE said the tear in Alfonso Soriano’s quad was “one centimeter”, I thought well maybe the doctor they quoted was from Liverpool. Maybe the guys at the TRIB think they have a large European audience or something. Or maybe they think it’s such an insignificant measurement that they can just tell me in a different language, because that’s what metric is to me.
I Googled “measurement conversion”, and found out that 1 centimeter = 0.39370079 of an inch.
That’s pretty close to .4 of an inch, which is closer to just less than a half inch than just more than a quarter inch. So lets say Alfonso’s tear is just less than a half inch.
Okay, I’m starting to get the picture.
I’ll bet I caught an ant about that size when I was little.
But an ant can’t wreck my whole summer.
There is a coffee stain on my shirt that I’d say was a little less than half an inch across.
I’m fine with it.
This tear of Alfonso Soriano’s quad that’s a little less than half an inch, though, has ruined my entire life.
The Cubs say they’re not gonna treat him with kid gloves, that he’ll be back around Labor Day.
Starting yesterday, that’s 31 games out of the remaining 55 without Soriano if I counted right.
So I’d say that tear on Soriano’s quad is way bigger than just less than a half an inch.
I’d say this tear is bigger than a breadbox, bigger than Illinois, bigger than Paris Hilton.
Baseball Gods, give me strength.