Cubby-Blue

Cubs gotta beat the odds

Well, three and a half out at the half of 2009.

The Cubs have half won and half lost.

The glass is either half empty or half full, and I've got half a mind to say the Cubs can beat these odds.

I'm re-charged and ready to go, so...

Bring on the second half of 2009, and don't forget the bats please.

The 2009 Chicago Cubs: Nothing Can Shock Me.

Bankruptcy is for sissies.

There is nothing the Cubs could do in 2009 that would shock me.

This team is so weird that any damn thing might happen this year.

Should the Cubs file for Chapter 11 it would be a mere paragraph in Chapter 101 of the Big Book Of Lose.

Did you not think that the Cubs would be ohhh, maybe one hundred games in first place by now?

They're a .500 ballclub in 3rd place.

Last year Kosuke Fukudome, Geovany Soto, Aramis Ramirez, Kerry Wood, Carlos Zambrano, Ryan Dempster, and Alfonso Soriano were all representing the Chicago Cubs in the All-Star game.

This year the lone Cub is Ted Lilly.

Milton Bradley hit .321 and slugged .563 last year, and this year just up and forgot how to swing.

Alfonso Soriano hit 14 homers pretty much out of the gate this year, and hasn't hit one since.

Jason Marquis won 11 games for the Cubs last year.

He's so much higher than his regular altitude this year that he's leading the league with 11 wins at the All-Star break, only he's pitching for the Rockies.

Randy Wells was a guy I'd never heard of - a 2nd rate minor league catcher who got moved to pitcher and this year?

He's got the best ERA of any Cub starter.

Carlos Marmol is still filthy, but it doesn't matter when the ball doesn't go over the plate.

Aramis Ramirez separated a shoulder while fielding a grounder.

Ryan Dempster busted a toe jumping over a fence.

I am numb, brother.

I was done being shocked about a month ago.

And I would like to continue not being shocked by the Cubs going on a winning binge this second half.

Because the other not-shocking thing is they're only 3 1/2 games out.

Go figure.

Cubs/Cards doubleheader: 1. Hoffpauir, 2. the Crazy 9th

Game 1.

It was the exact opposite of the Friday series opener - the one where the Cubs didn't show up for the game at all and lost 3-8.

Sunday's game it was the Cards who didn't show and lost 2-7.

They had sloppy play, bad pitching, and no offense.

And of course Friday the Cards had Carpenter, and yesterday the Cubs had Carlos.

Mighta had something to do with it, as both those guys played like the forces they're supposed to be.

Carlos even hit a homer.

And Micah Hoffpauir hit a 3 run homer in the first inning that pretty much wrecked the Card's day.

I was looking on Google - sometimes I can find something interesting to help with an illustration.

I didn't have to look far, since the point I was trying to make comes in the pronunciation of his name...

So the Cubs took the first game and now you're thinking...what if they take both today?

A game and a half out, that's what.

Game 2.

Kim and I met Sutter and my cousin Gurke up at the Smirnoff Patio (no comment on that name).

Sat down to watch young Randy Wells pitch against the team he grew up a giant fan of.

The crowd was pretty loud at first, but settled down as the game went on.

Ryan Ludwick - that guy may be the next big Cub Killer.

He hit the 2-run homer in the first and then another in the 6th while D Lee and Milton Bradley knocked in runs for the Cubs.

And it was the 8th when it started to get really interesting.

Jake Fox came in to catch Angel Guzman - we were all joking as we watched Jake and Angel talking on the mound waiting for the commercial break to end.

Jake: "I remembered the shin guards, but what is up with this mitt - it's so bulky."

The 8th ended with Soriano looking so lost at the plate you couldn't believe it.

Strike 3 on a horrible outside pitch.

Then, the 9th.

It was the weirdest and most interesting.

First off, when Soriano trots into left I look at Sutter and say, "What can he possibly do now except (screw) up? Where's Johnson?"

Molina gets a hit.

The next guy (was it a swing or a bunt? can't remember) hits it to Guzman who wheels and throws a perfect one to Theriot at 2nd.

Double play, right?

Well, that's what Ryan was thinking about 'cause he dropped the ball.

Ouch.

So now guys on first and second and nobody out.

Marshall comes in and walks a guy so now they're loaded.

Lou comes out and...WHAT THE HELL?

When Marshall ran out to take over in left field, you could see Soriano was confused as he hesitatingly walking off the field.

I thought it was the craziest dis of all time.

Sutter figured out what was going on though.

Heilman came in and struck a guy out, then Marshall comes in from left to face the next lefty bat.

Crowd went crazy when they all saw what Lou had done.

Of course, Tony LaRussa pinch hits the Cardinal Hoffpauir (a righty) just so he isn't upstaged by Lou.

Marshall strikes him out.

Last guy hits a sinking liner to left, where Reed Johnson had gone.

Reed slipped on his first step and staggered over to make a diving catch - third out.

Up in the cheap seats, they just installed some big flat-screens, and they showed the replay.

Great acting by Reed, but the ball was trapped...

So...that was the best part of the game.

Because it ended with 3 Cubs looking at strike 3 - just so lame you couldn't believe it.

Anyway, interesting day of baseball.

Now, Aramis, Reed, D Lee - you guys get some rest during this All-Star break and we'll see what happens in the second half...

Don't Tread On Ted: Lilly Gets 100th Win.

Wow.

Can you think of a better Cub this year?

Clutch, go-to, backbone, cojones, bamf, all around stud pup.

Ted Lilly.

What a performance yesterday for his 100th win.

4 hits over 8 innings of absolute St. Louis Cardinal shut-down.

Gotta admit, Marmol made me wig out, but we don't really need to talk about that...

Ryan Theriot looked like freaking Derek Jeter at short last night.

The double play the umps didn't screw up?

Did you see the flip?

Scooping and running past the bag into center?

And whoever that Baker guy is... my god.

I still don't know where he came from and I'm just gonna stay away from Google.

Far as I'm concerned he's just "Baker" and his stats start right now.

So he's hitting whatever 2 out of 3 is.

D Lee left with a neck strain, which he's used to I guess and he says it's not that bad.

And that's good because he's been the only offense you believe in.

Anyway, this is what happens when you get some hits, some sparkling D, and tough pitching:

Cubs 5 Cards 2.

Last things.

Pedro Martinez is gonna be a Phillie.

Interesting stuff about the Cardinals on MLB TRADE RUMORS.

Jake Fox might start at catcher in one of the games today.

And...Joe Buck and Tim McCarver.

Why?

Cubs set the tone in their 3-8 loss to Cards

This is pretty much what I think everybody was afraid of.

Yes the Cardinals beat the snot out of the Cubs in every facet of the game, but it was really the Cubs' lack of execution in every facet of the game that set the tone yesterday.

God, they sucked.

I was on the highway stuck in traffic when D Lee hit his 3-run game tying homer.

I'm sure people thought there was a snake in the car with the yelling and all, but by the end of the game that homer felt like it happened last week.

My only other thought was had Milton Bradley been in right, he never would have caught that Yadier Molina line drive Kosuke amazingly snagged, and the score would have been worse.

Anyway, the pitching, hitting, and defense all went out the window yesterday.

And in the paper today they're already jumping to a Cardinal sweep.

Don't blame them.

Of course, everything changes with a win today.

Tony LaRussa was smart to move Chris Carpenter up to start the first game against Harden since Rich looked so pitiful his last game.

Worked.

Today the Cubs put Terrible Ted on the mound.

That plus...oh I don't know - it's a new day?

Maybe something good happens.

A win would sure be nice today.

ps: I've been out of town and haven't been able to catch the games recently so I don't know if he's just on vacation or what, but management sure has to be happy that Bob Brenly wasn't in the booth yesterday. Awesome that Keith Moreland is there, but ol' Bob woulda ripped the Cubs a new bungholio...

Cub Fans, This Cardinal Series Equals a Packer Game

Maybe not exactly in terms of volume of games per sport, but for the Cubs this 4 game series with the Cardinals is worth exactly one Packer game as far as credibility, mojo, and my continued faith in peanuts and Cracker Jack.

By the All-Star break, I figured I'd be worrying about the Cubs being too far in front and maybe getting lax in the second half or something.

Hasn't quite worked out that way.

If the Cubs can somehow pull out 3 of 4 or better, well - life could get back to good.

When the Bears are about to play, I don't think about anything but can they please kick ass.

When somebody calls to make a bet, I always bet straight up because I'm stupid like that.

Win.

Or lose.

And that's it.

So, I'm not gonna think about stats or records, broken toes, obliques or Gatorade coolers, or NOTHIN' that's not physically playing on Wrigley Field this weekend.

On Sunday night they'll raise a white flag and it better have a W on it.

It's not the whole season at stake, but in terms of emotional weight?

It's a Packer game.

How fast is Reed Johnson?

When you're a young guy, hair that grows in places other than your head is pretty important.

It means...you're a man.

In the summer before 6th grade I got a single black hair on my shin.

At baseball practice this kid goes, "Maaaaaan. A black hair! I think that means you got...sperm."

I go, "What's sperm?"

"You idiot," he says, "where you think babies come from?"

Another kid says, "Men have it."

I didn't know what the hell they were talking about, but that's when I first started to really wish I had... hair.

I was a freshman in football this one time when a guy named Paul Holland completely ran me over in a tackling drill.

One of the coaches screams, "SOUERS, YOU AIN'T GOT NO HAIR ON YOUR ASS!"

See?

Hair means huevos, balls, intestinal fortitude.

In college I decided to grow sideburns.

Why not?

Grew 'em for about 3 weeks.

Wellll, on one side I had to painstakingly and artfully blend hair from my head to mix with all of maybe 14 actual sideburn hairs.

And all that blending was for naught because only 5 actual sideburn hairs grew on the other side.

Bald patch between the head hair and the 5 sideburn hairs - not good.

I cannot grow a mustache or a beard, I have no hair on my chest, and my leg hair kinda petered out in 6th grade.

Reed Johnson seems to be able to grow beards at will and overnight.

I am SO jealous.

But you never know - I may still be maturing.

Well, that hopefully took your mind off of Geovany Soto's "mild" oblique strain and the sloppy, rotten, foul-tasting 1-4 loss to the Braves yesterday.

Kevin Hart came up to take Dempster's place in the rotation.

He did okay, really.

Buncha walks, but okay.

It's these damned wimpy Cub bats.

They have no hair.

And here come the Cardinals...

A little perspective - the Phillies lead the NL with 432 runs scored, St. Louis is 6th with 377, and our favorite team is 15th with 337.

I'm sure you're aware that that's 15th out of 16.

So...not so good.

I'd put a little hair tonic on those bats, boys.

Do that thing where everybody on the team grows a beard or something.

You are going to need to score some runs in these next 4 games.

And if you do, you will have a chance to knock these guys down a peg.

And even though I don't, as a Cub fan I would at least feel like I had some hair on my ass.

This illustration is in the current issue of VINE LINE.

Ryan Dempster Broke His Toe And That Done Broke My Heart

Oh for Baseball God's sake.

A broken toe?

A broken toe.

Ryan Dempster jumped over the dugout fence and musta slipped somehow.

Broke his toe.

This broken toe will turn out to be this year's Kerry Wood finger blister: it'll last waaay longer than we think it should.

For a pitcher, this is a pretty significant injury.

It's his right toe - the one he pushes off on when he throws.

On the other hand if you're Ryan, the rest of you - the shoulder, the arm, the elbow - that all feels good.

You'll be going slowly insane sitting on the bench waiting for it to heal.

I don't have time to read all the papers, but the headline already says he may miss a month, and my guess is maybe longer.

So it's heartbreaking.

If I did have more time, I'd write a little country song titled, "Ryan Dempster broke his toe and that done broke my heart".

Might help me find a little humor in the situation.

But the other thing that happened yesterday was the Cubs lost to the Braves 1-2.

Not so funny.

Anyway, I hope Ryan can stay patient, and that he comes back when the Cubs are still in the thick of it and gives the team a jolt.

Don't tug on D Lee's cape.

He's been Superman lately, D Lee. 

It's been awhile for him, where you just expect good things to happen with his bat.

In the last 6 games he's got 6 homers and 14 RBIs, and most of these have been meaningful, clutch hits.

The kind we've been missing alot this year.

That brings his totals to 16 homers and 53 RBIs so far this year.

Since the broken wrist, his best was 22 homers (2007), and 90 RBIs last year.

The psychic in me boldly predicts he breaks those numbers this year.

And with the 2 run homers the last 2 games, he and Kosuke Fukudome might become the new Daily Double.

How awesome was that 2 run homer yesterday?

He cu-rushed that ball.

I felt so lucky to be in the bleachers on Sunday when he hit that sky high dinger.

I didn't get to see, but I heard there was a giant standing O for Aramis yesterday, and even if the guy's not 100%, it's fabulous to have him back in the line-up.

So the Cubs are now 2 games out in a division where 5 teams are within 3.5 games.

Crazy.

Keep the W's coming, guys.

This illustration was originally done in 2006.

Cubs 8 Brewers 2. What a beautiful day.

Man, how nice was yesterday?

Sutter got bleacher seats, and I took a bunch of pictures walking up there.

Just gorgeous out.

And it got gorgeouser when Kosuke Fukudome led off the the triple and D Lee followed with the high-rise homer.

Unfortunately, I scrammed after the Brewers batted in the 5th.

Had to catch a plane.

So I figure I was just past Bernie's walking to my car when Jake Fox hit his homer, which (I just saw the replay) looked like it went over Sutter's head.

Here's a line that rhymes: Ted Lilly gets the All-Star nod for pitching like a God.

And he really was yesterday with the 9 strikeouts and big W to take 3 of 4 from the Brewers.

Today is the return of Aramis Ramirez, Reed Johnson and Angel Guzman.

I wish they could keep all the guys who are up now because everybody's been contributing, but somebody's gonna have to go.

The Cubs climb up a notch past the Reds, and...not to look ahead or anything, but they could keep going up with the 3-gamer against the Cards starting Friday.

But first, the always annoying Atlanta Braves.